I Did SoulCycle And Nothing Will Ever Be The Same Again
Spin. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.
The one and only thing I know about SoulCycle prior to this point is that my class (henceforth referred to as a “Soul Session”) is scheduled to begin at 1:00 p.m. I am told to arrive by 12:45 p.m. As usual, I am not only behind schedule, but — as I quickly learn — I’m dangerously ill-prepared.
I round the corner at approximately 12:51 p.m. and encounter gaggles of traditionally beautiful athletic women loitering on the sidewalk. Most are outfitted in expensive-looking athleisurewear that has molded to their sculpted bodies like a recently-applied coat of Flex Seal. Some are nonchalantly grabbing their foot behind their buttocks for a preemptive quadricep stretch. Others are huddled together admiring what I can only imagine are last night’s selfies on their gold glitter-encased iPhones. Everyone appears as though they have spent their entire morning curating a meticulous aesthetic while simultaneously taking great strides to maintain an explicitly care-free persona that says “I text in all lowercase letters.”
As for myself, I have not shaved in roughly five days, I’m wearing a soiled baseball cap to cover my unkempt hair, and my jeans have a blossoming hole in the crotch that’s already about three inches in diameter.
